cute jew boys

while you’re unbuttoning your gotkes to make room for the...

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 03:20:00 -0500

while you’re unbuttoning your gotkes to make room for the last of the sugar cookies from night 8, I give to you the epitome of a nice (cute) jewish boy: Matt Ritter.

Matt’s got a regular shtik at the Hollywood Improv in L.A. AND he studied LAW at UPenn. (i’ll wait while the collective swoon of Jewish mothers everywhere dies down.) He then combined these skills to help cofound comediansatlaw.com. oh and there’s his comedy web series, The Bottom Rung. then his recent Shape magazine piece. SRSLY? His list of creds is longer than the list of spellings for ‘hanukkah’!

Matt, I know you aren’t exactly single which is typically a requirement for CJB.com - BUT you aren’t married either so I hondled you a spot on the site. Ladies & gentiles, consider this your gift from Hanukkah Harry. xo, @caseypenney

sports fans! it’s been a while since we’ve posted a...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 23:36:00 -0500

sports fans! it’s been a while since we’ve posted a cute jew boy athlete. past hotties included fan favorite Benny Feilhaber and of course Ryan Braun.

it was well worth the wait, because I present to you the New York Knicks’ own Amar’e Stoudemire!! Amar’e is one of the NBA’s few jews, but what they lack in numbers he makes up for in looks. hubba hubba.

not to mention he visited Israel last year and has been quoted saying he wants to become a better jew. (we’ll ignore the tatt)

pick up your panties jews and jewesses, he’s the real deal.

Happy Hanukkah Night 7! xo, @caseypenney

Hanukkah Night 6’s eye gelt comes from fellow jew lover,...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 23:17:00 -0500

Hanukkah Night 6’s eye gelt comes from fellow jew lover, Brianne D.

This 30 y/o man is a beaut and he is Dustin Hoffman’s son. That is all.

xo, @caseypenney

Your Jews for Hanukkah Nights 4 & 5 - Fred and Ben Savage!...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 23:00:00 -0500

Your Jews for Hanukkah Nights 4 & 5 - Fred and Ben Savage! (I know I’m delayed, but I was in Bali, which is the SE Asian equivalent of Florida for New Yorkers over Xmas)

Fred AKA Kevin Arnold - damn, how hot did YOU get? Winnie Cooper had some foresight when she landed you!! Wikipedia also informed me that you’ve directed eps of Modern Family, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and That’s So Raven! Hello, TOTAL package!

Ben AKA Corey Matthews - this former STANFORD grad still dabbles in TV & film now and again. And is S-I-N-G-L-E, ladies!

I think I speak for Jews everywhere when I say ‘thank you’ Savage genes, for being so shtup-able. xo, @caseypenney

happy 3rd night of hanukkah! this cute jew boy holds a special...

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 12:42:00 -0500

happy 3rd night of hanukkah! this cute jew boy holds a special place in my <3.

meet Evan. if he doesn’t woo you with his spoken or written word, he’ll woo you with his uncanny ability to crunch single digit #s. he’s the total package, jewesses. bubbie will approve.

xo, @caseypenney

hanukkah. night 2. this guy. a jew & single. not just any...

Wed, 21 Dec 2011 08:06:00 -0500

hanukkah. night 2. this guy. a jew & single. not just any jew mind you, it’s Spike fucking Jonze. he needs no commentary. just enjoy.

xo, @caseypenney

happy hanukkah, fellow chosen ones! you must’ve been extra...

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:58:00 -0500

happy hanukkah, fellow chosen ones! you must’ve been extra good this year b/c we bring to you on behalf of hanukkah harry…the 1st of 8 cute jew boys in honor of the festival of lights!

so, looking tastier than an oily latke is a one mr. JAMES FRANCO. (Don’t be fooled by the name - his mother’s jewish. B”H!!)

james, you’re welcome for being our hanukkah night 1 cute jew boy. you can repay me with a game of Strip Dreidel. xo, @caseypenney

jewesses and gentiles, our latest CJB is not new to cute jew...

Sun, 05 Jun 2011 23:11:00 -0400

jewesses and gentiles, our latest CJB is not new to cute jew boys, oh no no. in fact Adam Levine was one of our first boychiks on the site. however, in light of his wrangling of a superior team for NBC’s The Voice, i thought it appropriate to post again in support of @TEAMADAAM.

if you can look past the shayna punim, he’s got it all….actually who cares what else he’s got. this man is stupid hot.

adam, we heard you stripped down for a recent Cosmo UK to raise awareness for testicular cancer. in the future if you need help with that cough test, i’m lending my services.

let’s make a Future Kid,
casey

Shabbos is over! Have a Cute Jew Boy! Ladies, Men & Gentiles...

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 22:38:02 -0400

Shabbos is over! Have a Cute Jew Boy!

Ladies, Men & Gentiles - It’s Mr. Andy Samberg.

(You’re welcome, @StevenKlavier and Cassidy Curtis)

we’re celebrating every night of chanukah with a new cute...

Sat, 04 Dec 2010 19:14:17 -0500

we’re celebrating every night of chanukah with a new cute jew boy (although I think we already missed a night, ahem, Sarah.)

and tonight’s cute jew boy is THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE MENSCH — a one Mr. Rob Hitt!

rob is all kinds of amazing. smart. funny. talented musically. talented non-musically. excellent speller. he basically epitomizes the type of guy you want to bring home to bubbe and zeide. and if you couldn’t tell, he’s nice on the eyes and smells great.

rob, i’d hitt that any day. xoxo, casey

p.s. - happy almost birthday, buddy!

happy 2nd night of chanukah! here’s your 2nd cute jew...

Thu, 02 Dec 2010 19:58:51 -0500

happy 2nd night of chanukah! here’s your 2nd cute jew boy!

i know nothing about this guy, michael lewis. he’s an actor and model from Tel Aviv. he won Israel’s version of dancing with the stars (of david?), blah, blah. you’re not listening to me anyway right now.

yum.

xo, casey

Dear Jeremy Piven, You are one fine piece of ass. I don’t...

Wed, 01 Dec 2010 19:49:55 -0500

Dear Jeremy Piven,

You are one fine piece of ass. I don’t give a damn how many people want to say you’re a jerk or asshole or claim that you weren’t really suffering from mercury poisoning…. YOU ARE HOT.

I want you to yell at me while we’re making out. I want you to tell me I’m doing a bad job and tell me how to kiss better. I want you to give me your best Ari Gold and sell me the air. I just want you.

Love,

Sarah

L’chaim! baseball AND election seasons are over! as a Mets...

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 14:31:00 -0400

L’chaim! baseball AND election seasons are over! as a Mets fan and a registered republican you can imagine how painful both are for me.

before you dismiss me as a meshugana for these however, let me tell you first why I LIKE IKE.

Ike Davis, that is.

the 6’4 ADORABLE first baseman of the New York Mets.

this is a baseball boychick particularly near and dear to my heart as he has played for both the Brooklyn Cyclones (where I grew up) & the Binghamton Mets (my alma mater). bashert i tell you!

former Met and JEW, shawn green, warned Ike of marriage proposals from mothers of jewish daughters, to which he responded: “I hope that doesn’t happen. I’m not ready for marriage.”

good news, Ike! i don’t want to get married! i just want to shtup. it’s a W-W.

so what do you say, let’s hit some balls —
casey

Justin Bieber.NOT A JEW. But guess who is?His manager, Scott...

Sun, 26 Sep 2010 16:38:47 -0400

Justin Bieber.
NOT A JEW.
But guess who is?
His manager, Scott “Scooter” Braun.

Ladies and gentiles, we’d be remiss not to acknowledge the Cute Jew Boy behind the Biebs. This man may not have the luscious coif of the Biebs, but he had the foresight to know that those luscious locks would be worth millions. A true Jew! Plus, he’s of age. And let’s face it, I’m not in the business of being a cougar cute jew boy lover. Yet. (Wait, how old is Efron, again?)

Scooter, while the youngins are breaking Twitter over their love for JB, you’re breaking my heart with your good looks and biz smarts. Your rebel side is pretty hot too.

Baby (baby baby), I’d like to ride that Scooter all the live long day.

xoxo, @caseypenney

oy vey iz mir, we haven’t posted a cute jew boy in so...

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:26:17 -0400

oy vey iz mir, we haven’t posted a cute jew boy in so long. but i’m pretty sure B.J. Novak makes up for it.

i don’t even know where to begin with this J.I.L.S. (Jew I’d Like to Shtup). he’s one of my all-time favorite cutejewboys.

we all love him as the “The Temp”, writer and exec producer of one of the funniest shows on TV, The Office. and, uh, he starred in the ultimate jew revenge fantasy for hashem’s sakes: Inglourious Basterds.

but what you may not know, & jewish mothers everywhere be still your heart, Novak’s dad co-edited The Big Book of Jewish Humor. funny is in his genes!!! oh yeah, Novak himself went to Harvard. BAM. (dry your panties now, ladies.)

B.J., let it be known, there is nothing temporary about my love for you - @caseypenney

Dear Adam Brody, I first saw you on MTV’s...

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 12:39:19 -0400

Dear Adam Brody,

I first saw you on MTV’s “Undressed.” You were fine, but it really wasn’t until your breakout role as Seth Cohen on “The OC” that I realized what a wonderous animal you were. The mix CDs and indie rock sensibility combined with your Jon Stewart-esque comedic timing and quirk is what made me, and jewesses and non-jewesses alike, fall in love with you.

I often wonder what you would’ve put on a mix cd for me if we were dating.

I would’ve wanted Hole, but you would’ve given me Cat Power.

I would’ve wanted Joy Division, but you would’ve given me LCD Soundsystem.

I would’ve wanted The Walkmen, but you would’ve given me Bob Dylan.

Gimme something I want and gimme some neurotic babies.

Thanks!

Love, Sarah

cute jew boy lovers, there’s only 1 name you’ll ever...

Thu, 01 Jul 2010 11:00:00 -0400

cute jew boy lovers, there’s only 1 name you’ll ever need to know from this day forward. Benny Feilhaber. we can shut the site down now. we’ve achieved the penultimate. Benny Feilhaber.

let’s face it. i’m american so i don’t care about soccer. when the World Cup is on in my lobby @ work, i pretend to be interested and go nosh on leftover conference food.

that is, until i discovered BENNY FEILHABER. the soccer-playing, bright blue-eyed cute BRAZILIAN JEW boy.

just look at him. is this guy real? he is the finest specimen of kosher dill i have ever laid eyes on. when you google him, you can imagine the suggestions you get.

“benny feilhaber shirtless”
“benny feilhaber girlfriend”
“benny feilhaber schlong size”
(ok, i made that last one up)

this guy must score constantly (although not enough for the usa apparently). but win or lose Benny, we’re all going to win because your face is going to be EVERYWHERE. and hopefully, your body…blown up on larger-than-life billboards…in times square…near my apartment.

& hey Benny, if you happen to read this, i’d like to blow your vuvuzela.

-@caseypenney

Dear Jeff Goldblum, One would initially think that you’re...

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:00:00 -0400

Dear Jeff Goldblum,

One would initially think that you’re a little too old for our dear site since you’re most certainly no longer a boy, but a man. A 57 year old man. However, I remembered that I recently saw a picture of you walking hand-in-hand with that ~~little slut~~ girl who played Alex on LOST, and thought “oh, so you like younger? i’ll show you young.”

Jeff, you’re like a fine wine, you get better with age and thankfully you have lived longer than a fly… and you have become fly. Your slightly bulging eyes have receded and your plump semitic lips have just finally found their way to make sense on your face.

Since you’re so much older than me, I guess that if we were to get together I’d eventually have to watch you poop (which is better than you watching me poop), and I’d likely have to talk about your busted hip or BMs like all the other old Jews in the world, but that’s ok. It’s ok because I just read that you engaged in a 3-day sex marathon with Kristen Davis.

Let me bring you back to the tribe,

Sarah

this yummy boychik, alex, is one of the frontmen of...

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:29:56 -0400

this yummy boychik, alex, is one of the frontmen of (non-ironic?) holy ghost! fellow cute jew boy-lovers, we can see more of alex this summer since holy ghost! is kicking off their euro tour now… AND will be performing with Chromeo in the U.S. in July (dave 1 of @chromeo is a former cute jew boy honoree).

alex, i was one of the many who saw you perform @ lprnyc last week. the way you worked the stage & the crowd with your pants hanging slightly low (did this just get creepy?) i couldn’t help but…want to be in them. here’s hoping you will one day say my name - casey

Dear Max Bernstein, I remember meeting you in the offices of...

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:53:04 -0400

Dear Max Bernstein,

I remember meeting you in the offices of Some Records/Ultra14. You had longer hair than me. You were obviously more punkrock and smarter than I could ever be, and I think that miffed me somewhat, but I almost immediately loved you. I knew that I would know you for a long long time. You were also the first person I knew who used Napster, and that counts for a lot in my book.

Over the past few years you’ve survived in LA as a poker player, guitarist, writer for Huffington Post, and a digital strategist for politicians. You’ve fulfilled and lived up to a punk rock ethos that involves infiltrating the system from the inside and, in probably your most punk-rock move to date, you became the guitarist of Ke$ha. Nothing says “F**K YOU” to the crusty punks living on trustafarians that sit on St. Marks begging for change than that resume right there. Those little POS’s will never make half the dent in society that you have and I mean that from the bottom of my quickly beating Jewish heart.

Oh! And did I mention that you are handsome? Because you are. You get more handsome every year! When I showed your photo to my cousin and said I wanted to set up her daughter with you, my mom yelled at me and said “how could you let this cute and intelligent Jewish boy out of your hands?!”

Good question, Mom. Good question!

Love ya!

Sarah