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07

Apr

Dear Jake Gyllenhaal, I think the word I used when I discovered this morning that you are Jewish was “WHAT?!” Which was followed by “NO WAY!” Which was then followed by “I NEED TO WIKIPEDIA THAT.” Which was then followed by “OMG HE IS JEWISH AND HAD HIS BAR MITZVAH AT A HOMELESS SHELTER!” I think I first fell in love with you when you came onto the screen in Donnie Darko. You were weird and emotionally unstable and all I wanted to do is cradle you in my confused arms as I tried to understand what the hell was going on in the movie. I dreamt of us bike riding together in Tenafly, NJ while Echo & the Bunnymen played on a boombox attached to the front of your bike like the latino dudes do in my neighborhood. I also fantasized that it was you I was kissing every time I mouth raped a dude when the DJ at a club dropped “Love Will Tear Us Apart.”  How did I go all these years of being obsessed with Donnie Darko without even thinking about googling if you were a MOT or not? Did I miss the issue of Heeb that probably had you on the cover with a centerfold inside? Was it your weird last name? Was it your sister’s weird nose? I have no idea, but all I know is that now I know and now my life has been twist turned upside down. I love you so much I’d give you the shirt off my back, except that’d mean that you’d then be wearing one. Love, Sarah

Dear Jake Gyllenhaal,

I think the word I used when I discovered this morning that you are Jewish was “WHAT?!” Which was followed by “NO WAY!” Which was then followed by “I NEED TO WIKIPEDIA THAT.” Which was then followed by “OMG HE IS JEWISH AND HAD HIS BAR MITZVAH AT A HOMELESS SHELTER!”

I think I first fell in love with you when you came onto the screen in Donnie Darko. You were weird and emotionally unstable and all I wanted to do is cradle you in my confused arms as I tried to understand what the hell was going on in the movie. I dreamt of us bike riding together in Tenafly, NJ while Echo & the Bunnymen played on a boombox attached to the front of your bike like the latino dudes do in my neighborhood. I also fantasized that it was you I was kissing every time I mouth raped a dude when the DJ at a club dropped “Love Will Tear Us Apart.” 

How did I go all these years of being obsessed with Donnie Darko without even thinking about googling if you were a MOT or not? Did I miss the issue of Heeb that probably had you on the cover with a centerfold inside? Was it your weird last name? Was it your sister’s weird nose? I have no idea, but all I know is that now I know and now my life has been twist turned upside down.

I love you so much I’d give you the shirt off my back, except that’d mean that you’d then be wearing one.

Love,

Sarah

  1. cutejewboys posted this

1 year ago Short URL 2 notes Comments