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01

Apr

Dear Louis Epstein, I know that I dated your fraternal twin brother, but I gotta say, you are damn fine. You already know that I think this because every time I see you, I ask for a deposit of your sperm so I can have your baby. You are the perfect Jewish specimen. Not only are you tall, lean, and retardedly handsome, but you are funny and clever. While I might get lost in your sea green eyes while I talk to you, I’m often found laughing at something brilliant you’ve said. Not to mention, I really dig your band, Jump Into the Gospel. Your parents bred you and your brother well. Love, Sarah

Dear Louis Epstein,

I know that I dated your fraternal twin brother, but I gotta say, you are damn fine. You already know that I think this because every time I see you, I ask for a deposit of your sperm so I can have your baby. You are the perfect Jewish specimen.

Not only are you tall, lean, and retardedly handsome, but you are funny and clever. While I might get lost in your sea green eyes while I talk to you, I’m often found laughing at something brilliant you’ve said. Not to mention, I really dig your band, Jump Into the Gospel.

Your parents bred you and your brother well.

Love,

Sarah

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    can’t breathe. OHMYGOD
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